do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
