can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
