Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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