Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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