Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
