you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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