I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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