I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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