So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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