Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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