I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
