Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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