brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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