Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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