If that was your dad, he is hot
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
