youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize