At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
