butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
