You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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