Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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