that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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