Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Randomize
