Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
