Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize