bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
