i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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