You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
