90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
