Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
