You made me cry and you don't even care
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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