when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
