my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
