The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
