So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
