hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
