I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm passing your future prison.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
