I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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