Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
