Jerry, you need to find god
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
