we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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