I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize