I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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