Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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