I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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