If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
