I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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