so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
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