it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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