You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize