ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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