imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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