I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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