Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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