my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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