Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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