he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
