Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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