Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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