What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
