everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
sex in a hospital.. check
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
