Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
