I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i need some magic done to my vagina
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
