Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
