You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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