you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize