I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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