i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
