I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize
