So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
