Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
