did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
