I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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