my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
