Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Bring me that man meat
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
