I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Screwed.edu
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
