Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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