Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
