Your tits are I can't wait for
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
