Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
