I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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