So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
