Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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