Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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