im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
wakey wakey hands off snakey
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You took a bar mat shot.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize