Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
