we have pet lesbian snakes
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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