I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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